Creation: How it Really Happened

We are taught that when God created the world, it was by saying, “Let there be light!” And there was light.

Anyone who has ever been involved in a remodel knows that this isn’t how it happened.

First, God said, “Let there be light!”

Then the contractor responded, What kind of a light would you like?”

“You know, one that will be different from the dark.”

“Oh, there’s darkness, too? Then you need to have a light that will complement the darkness. What color is your darkness?”

“Darkness has color? Really? It just kind of looks dark to me.”

“Oh, yeah. You’d think all darkness was just the same. But really it’s not. And if you get the wrong color light to go with your darkness, it will look all wrong, and bother you whenever you look at this universe.”

“Okay, if you say so. Are there swatches or something I can compare my darkness to?”

The contractor pulls out a big book of swatches, thousands of swatches of darkness and hands them to God. “Here you go, come back when you know which one best matches your darkness.”

Some two and half weeks later, following many conversations with the heavenly hosts, many repetitions of the “there are different kinds of darkness?” conversation with each seraph, God got back to the contractor.

“I think we’ve selected “tenebrosity” as the shade of darkness that best matches what we thought.”

“Great,” the contractor responded. “Now, which kind of light would you like?”

“Oh, you know, a good basic light that goes well with tenebrosity,” said God, feeling sophisticated.

“Well, that’s good. That narrows down our choices. In fact it eliminates several infinite sets of light, leaving us with only this infinite set.” The contractor thumped another sample book down in front of God.

“I’ll get back to y0u,” God sighed.

And so God sorted the lights, dividing the neons from the¬†incandescents, the full-spectrum from the infra-red. And God said, “let there be ‘resplendent’ light.” And the contractor placed the order, and some month later, the after the order arrived, and contractor’s workers were done with a couple of other projects they had been working on, there was light.

And God called the light “day”, and the darkness God called “night”. At which point God noticed that while there was light, there didn’t seem to be any particular sources for the light. So God called the contractor.

“Umm. The light seems to be sort of abstract, not actually coming from any particular point. It just sort of drifts around, getting mixed up with the darkness.”

“Of course it does. You didn’t order any light fixtures.”

“Light fixtures?”

“You know, lamps, or¬†chandeliers, or fixtures set into the ceiling or something.”

“I kind of just assumed that when we ordered light, it would come with those.”

“Oh, no. That would never work. People get very picky about their light fixtures, so they need to be able to choose their fixtures separately.”

“Okay,” sighed God, “is there another catalog to look at?”

“Here you go.”

And God took the catalog, and he saw the catalog, and God saw that the catalog was big. And eventually God chose a sun, a moon, a strobing pulsar and stars of light for fixtures. And the contractor saw the selections, and said they were good.

And God said, “Let there be lights in the firmament, a great light and a lessor light–”

“Just a second,” interrupted the contractor. “What firmament? And besides, you just ordered these lights. It’s going to take a while for them to get here. Which is just as well, really, cause if you want them put into a firmament, we’re going to need to build the firmament first. Oh, and by the way, they’ve discontinued strobing pulsars. Do you have a second choice?”

And God sighed, vowing never to create a universe again.